Published by admin on 19 Jul 2014


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Published by admin on 14 Jul 2014


Moses turned two on the tenth and since today is a sad anniversary, instead of dwelling, I’m going to talk about my big boy.

He has gone through some big changes in the last 6 months, starting and ending daycare, getting a new brother, and today starting preschool.  And at the end of the month, his sister (and all time favorite person) is moving in with us, so he’ll be moving into the office (which we’re relocating to the dining room) for the time being.  It’s a lot for a little guy, but he is handling it all very well.

He loves diggers and dinosaurs, all animals and small and large children.  He loves the park with all of his being and every morning asks to “go ou’side.” He is desperate for a gang of children to be a part of and inserts himself into any group of boys or girls he can find.  Just walks right up and joins in the yelling, because kids at the park are always yelling.

He stopped calling all of his letters his “Eees” and calls them his letters now.  Which makes me a little sad.  He doesn’t say “Upp” when he wants us to get up, now he says, “Mama get up.”  Already, tiny little things are going away.

I don’t want to forget:

  • his little voice when he’s asking for something after we’ve told him “no” almost a whisper, a little mousey squeak.
  • his ridiculous laugh when he’s being particularly naughty.
  • the way he screams when you manage to sneak up on him and say “boo.”
  • him saying “Mama, what doing, mama?” over and over while we’re driving in the car.
  • “Sweet dreams” when ever he says good bye.
  • In fact all goodbyes are “good nights” right now.
  • The way he leans in for a kiss.
  • And squeezes so hard for a hug.
  • How he still says, “I carry you,” when he wants to be picked up and carried.
  • “Manny’s here!  Mama’s here!  Daddy’s here! Mosie’s here!” his little role call. (”Lizzie’s at work.”)

I know it’s cliche and I cannot help myself, while I’m busy mourning the little things he’s already left behind, I’m so excited for the new things to come.

After I dropped him off at preschool (and he cried) I started to drive home and a “Forever Young” cover came on the radio.

May God bless and keep you always
May your wishes all come true
May you always do for others
And let others do for you
May you build a ladder to the stars
And climb on every rung
May you stay forever young
Forever young, forever young
May you stay forever young.
May you grow up to be righteous
May you grow up to be true
May you always know the truth
And see the lights surrounding you
May you always be courageous
Stand upright and be strong
May you stay forever young
Forever young, forever young
May you stay forever young.
May your hands always be busy
May your feet always be swift
May you have a strong foundation
When the winds of changes shift
May your heart always be joyful
And may your song always be sung
May you stay forever young
Forever young, forever young 

May you stay forever young.

I couldn’t have said it better myself, Mr. Dylan.

I love you, sweet Mosie Dozy.

Published by admin on 02 Jul 2014

3 Months

Things are smoothing out here.  This month Manny slept his first 8 hour stretch and 9 hour stretch!  He doesn’t do it every night, so I think it has a lot to do with how much he nurses and sleeps during the day, but I think it’s a good sign of things to come.

He is really grabbing onto things now and loves his toys.  He has so few toys, but this Lamaze snake thing is a fave, as is his soft dog rattle, these rings and this hedgehog.  He sucks on his hand and still isn’t super crazy about his pacifier, but I’m ok with being his paci these days.

He smiles like crazy at his brother, these two, man, they are going to be so much trouble.

I have a lot of events coming up for my movie so I’m going to have a few evenings away from him, I’m hoping he’s not as tough for his babysitters as he is for me in the evening.  He goes to sleep at 8pm, but from about 6:30 to 8 he’s kind of a mess.  I’ve tried getting him to sleep earlier, but he’ll nap for 30 minutes and wake up furious and fuss until 8.  The kid wants what he wants!

He’s a tummy time all star and even though he hasn’t rolled yet, I can see the wheels turning.

He still comes to bed with me at about 4am every morning to get a little co-sleeping in before Moses insists the entire house wakes up when he rises - anytime between 6:45am and 7:45am.  “Manny up, Mama up, Lula up!”

He’s a peach, this one.

Published by admin on 01 Jun 2014

2 months and change

Well, this month was not easier than the first month in a lot of ways, but in a few ways it was.

I was worried about Manny’s eye contact and his ability to lock onto and track objects and what seemed like him not being able to follow the sound of our voices to locate us.  Like, really worried.  But he seems fine now, I’m definitely testing him a lot and he definitely looks at me and gives me insanely gooey smiles, so for now I’m just hoping he wasn’t quite there yet.  (Also will bring it up to the pediatrician at our next appointment if he still seems to be having trouble with it, but right now I’m not worried anymore.)

He’s been giving me some good stretches of sleep now at night and if I can get him down early enough we avoid the hour long cry fest, that he does if he’s overtired.  He definitely lets me know if he’s tired.  I’ll be all, WHY ARE YOU CRYING? Then give him the pacifier and boop he’s out.  During the day however, unless I’m holding him, he doesn’t nap very long.  Which is nice for me, but also, I am at the point where I want to get things done and little snuggle monster is not having it.

Moses has really warmed up to him and now insists on “Manny yap” every day.   Yap=lap.  Then when Manny is on his lap Moses stares ahead very seriously.  It’s all too much for my cold heart to take. (We did have one incident where Moses put his foot on Manny’s head. I so heartily scolded Moses that he welled up with tears, and oof, that sucked, but seriously, kid, don’t put your foot on your brother’s head.)

I’ve been trying to get out with him more, but I still have issues breastfeeding in public.  We went to MOCA last weekend and I ended up lucking out with a weird ass exhibit that had couches in a semi-dark room with a bizarre movie playing on a screen.  I don’t get art sometimes, but this time, I was like,  “I don’t care, a comfortable dark place to nurse a baby in public, I LOVE ART.”

This whole two kid parenting thing is hard, but I’m getting the hang of it.  I think they are too.

Published by admin on 22 May 2014

Just wait ’til I show him Jurassic Park!

A few weeks ago, when Moses was getting up at the (now reasonable, then) awful hour of 6:30AM, I was sick of the Sunnyside Up Show on Sprout, so I surfed around and found this show called Dino Dan. Moses was instantly hooked and I was like super tired and didn’t care as long as he was entertained.

“Dinosaur! There it is!”

Now every morning he gets up (ever earlier) and he asks for dinosaurs.  He is obsessed.  On the way to daycare we “look” for dinosaurs.  “There it is! Right there!” And his little imagination is so cute.  He sees dinosaurs, every morning.  I just love it.

So, I had an idea.  I wanted to place dinosaurs around outside our house so he could find them.

I bought a pack of dinosaurs.  (Plus a few spendier solo dinosaurs, because maybe I’m a little obsessed too?) They came today and I put three out.  Two outside on the wall outside our kitchen window and one in the terrarium he planted wildflowers in that my friend Allie gave to me when he was born.

Today when he got home from daycare he discovered them. (I can’t get video to embed here, so click this link.)

I knew being a mom would be fun, but this has exceeded my expectations.

(Amazon links are affiliate links!

Published by admin on 30 Apr 2014

April 28th - Day in the Life

I love reading everyone’s day in the life posts and feel self conscious about posting mine right now because, well, there is a lot of tv watching happening in new baby land, but I think I’ll like to look back and see what my day was like when Manny was a month old and Moses was 21 months.

1:30 am- Manny starts croaking, I look for my phone and check my tracking app and see that he’s slept almost 4 hours. I change him, feed him and get him re-swaddled without too much to do. I’m back in bed by

1:50am tell snoring Seth to roll on his side and fall back to sleep by the time I’ve counted down to 89.

4:55am more croaking from manny. Change and feed him and hope Moses won’t wake up when Seth gets up to shower and get ready.

5:05am Seth is up, I’m back in bed with Manny this time, don’t feel like swaddling again.

6:00am Seth leaves

6:20am I hear the neighbors bang something upstairs and so does Moses. He cries for daddy. ‘Daddy, where are you?’ I go in, he is not amused and keeps crying for daddy. I feed Lula and I tell him I’ll be right next door feeding manny. Still crying, I bring Manny in to eat in his room. He tells me bye, so I go back to my room and finish feeding Manny.

6:30am ‘Up!’ Is the call from Moses’ room. I put Manny in his bassinet and get Moses out of his crib and change his diaper, relieved his rash doesn’t seem to be worse, and even hopeful that it looks better. We get him a bottle of milk and fart around for a bit talking about toddler stuff - diggers, cars, milk, giraffes, ABCs, the usual.

7:10am I heat up some chicken sausage and put Moe in his high chair with a little tv. Feel guilty, but I need to get dressed and Moe seems mostly a normal kid that likes to sing and dance and whatever. TV. I get dressed. Manny remains sleeping.

7:30am- Moses has been done eating for a while, I get him dressed and he asks to go to the park. I tell him daddy will take him to the park after ’school’ and we pick out a truck to take to the park. Guck guck (garbage truck) is chosen.

7:45am I change Manny’s diaper and Moses makes his bath letters cozy in a nest of blankets on the floor. He also tries to sit on Lula, who is ever patient and does not even flinch when he also accidentally (?) stands on her tail.

8:00am I put Manny in his car seat in the house, put Moe’s jacket on and fold up the snap n go to bring for errands today.  I bring Moses and stroller out to garage, Moses screws around in the gravel ‘yard’ while I manage to get the stroller in the hatch without letting the hatch hit the garage doir, feel victorious. Pick up Moses to put him in the car and realize he’s pooped.

8:05am back in the house, change the diaper, back out to the garage,

(Somehow the rest of the day was deleted, here is what I found in my notes. Blerg.)

8:10am get manny into the car.

8:15am head to daycare.

8:25 drop off moe. No tears!

8:30a realize it’s too early to do my errand and that I have no gas so I go to the gas station and fill up. $72?! Sigh. We have (?) to use premium octane in our dumb car so, ugh.

8:45am filling gas didn’t kill enough time. I park in front of mail boxes place and type notes for this while listening to All Things Considered. Nina Totenberg, god I love her.

9:09 I get the snap and go out of the hatch and realize I don’t know how to unfold it. Google it and watch a video. Uh, wow, that was… so easy I’m embarrassed for myself. Put Manny’s car seat in the snap n go and hit Starbucks while mail boxes place opens up. I’m sad that my one of favorite baristas is taking orders not making my soy green tea latte. It’s never as good when this girl makes it.

9:15 get the box I’m returning out of the car and mail it. $24?! This is why I hate when I have to return something not through amazon. Highway robbery.

9:40am home! Pick up some of the Moses leavings, blocks, cars, the usual. Consult my bullet journal, add a few more to dos and cross off a couple of things.

10am- change and feed manny. Try to rewatch the parts of game of thrones I missed through Manny’s crying last night. Text with a friend who is starting at a company I hate, she feels the same, miss a lot of game of thrones, but don’t care

12:30am I’m in the middle of a Getting On marathon with a baby sleeping on me, but I have to eat and go to the bathroom. So, I do those things. Not at the same time. Then change manny and feed him annnnndddd he’s back to sleep.

1:26pm I’m done with Getting On. Feel adrift. Nap time!

1:40 manny isn’t having it so I successfully nurse him to sleep in bed.

3:00 Seth is home and having a sneezing fit. We’re all awake!

3:08 changed and fed manny, time to get some vitamin d… And exercise

4:00 procrastinate until now, finally head out with the dog and Seth and do a walk. It’s hot.

4:45 home again, feed Lula dinner, change manny.

4:50 Seth leaves to pick up moe, I put manny on his tummy and hope there is no puke.

5:00 I shovel some food in my fave

5:05 manny has protested long enough on his tummy so I pick him up and feed him while watching the good wife s4

5:23 it appears we’re in a cluster feed situation.

5:25 nope! Just a sleepy baby situation

6:30 glance at the clock and realize Seth isn’t home, meaning dinner and bath will be a shit show.

6:35 they’re home!

6:40 I try to get moe to eat.

7:07 Moses bath starts he’s a mess. Crying hysterically in the tub

7:20 Moses is out we discover why he’s crying when we see his rash is back and really awful. He watches an episode of zerby derby while he has his bottle

7:45 we say goodnight and Seth puts him to bed., I begin dealing with lord fussington. He’s not that bad tonight.

Published by admin on 26 Apr 2014

One Month, One Day

This month went by pretty quickly, but also it seemed like time stopped.  Manny has reliably been eating every 2 hours or so, until about 3 night ago where he gave me two stretches of almost 4 hours of sleep.  I felt amazing the next day.  Last night, however, he was up every 1.5 hours, so, it all evens out I guess.

He is a very sleepy baby, otherwise, which I like because that means a lot of snuggle time.  I don’t remember Moses sleeping quite this much, but I don’t remember much from that first month other than the excruciating breastfeeding pain, which I’m dealing with a little bit with Manny, but in a more manageable way.  I had a bout of mastitis and that sucked, but the regular pain of breastfeeding seems to be fading, at least 60% of the time.

Manny is a croaky baby.  He croaks and grunts and doesn’t do much cooing, but he also doesn’t do much crying either.  About a week ago, he cried for 2 hours after projectile puking so hard that it came out of his nose, that is really the only extended period of tough times we’ve dealt with yet.

This morning was the first time he looked at me and smiled.  I’m pretty sure it was a real smile, even though I think general wisdom is they don’t smile until later.  Whatever, general wisdom, I’m taking this.

He’s a much gassier and spit uppier baby that Moses was.  And I hate doing that, the comparing of babies, but, it’s impossible not to, isn’t it?

Speaking of Moses, he has really warmed up to Manny.  There is still some jealousy here and there that is manifested in extra clinging and some tiny behavior things, but seriously, so far so good.

I’m excited to see what’s next with these two.

Here’s some bonus photos.

Published by admin on 15 Apr 2014

Immanuel’s Birth Story

It’s been three weeks, and things are already getting fuzzy, so I better get down what I can remember before it’s gone completely.

The night before my scheduled c section, Moses woke up several times, ending with his wake up at 4:30am.  I brought him in to snuggle with my sister on her blow up mattress, he wasn’t interested at first, but finally warmed up and I was able to get ready.  I was glad I got to say good bye to Moses, but nervous for the surgery coming up.

5:30AM we left for the hospital.

5:45AM we check in.  Everything is going smoothly and some poor woman is wheeled in on a wheel chair moaning and looking like she is in absolute hell.  The check in desk attendant was kind of, rude is the wrong word, short?  I don’t know, he said, “Oh, you’re back.”  She got taken in and shortly after so were we.

5:50AM we are taken to our room.  It’s twice the size of the room I labored in for 24 hours with Moses while I was induced.  I’m instantly retroactively mad that I got stuck in that hideous room for Moses birth, with that hideous bed.  The lack of coffee I’m sure has something to do with this.  I get into my gown and my nurse puts the monitors on my stomach.  I like our nurse, but that is until she tries to place my IV and cannot get blood to come out.  Something about a valve?  She has to try again on my right arm.  Not ideal for breast feeding, I’m getting too nervous to be irritated.   The baby is kicking around and we hear the whooshes on the monitor.

7:00AM shift change.  Our new nurse is pretty chipper, I don’t love chipper, but she is really great, and explains everything about the surgery.  I tell her I had a pretty traumatic time with Moses and that I’m pretty freaked out.  She tells me she’s going to be there the whole way through to recovery and it makes me feel a little better.

7:15AM the anesthesiologist visits.  He explains the spinal block, risks etc.  He goes through the surgery for me again.  I’m starting to feel more nerves and tell him about my previous c section.  He tells me he’s got whatever I need and he’ll be by my head the whole time.  If I have any questions during the surgery, he’ll be right there with me.

7:45AM My doctor arrives!  I love her.  She tells me that my OR is ready but we have to wait for another OR to clear in case there’s an emergency.  They need to keep on OR open.  She talks me through the surgery.  At this point, I feel like I could run the procedure the number of times it’s been explained to me.

8:10AM we get the go ahead for the surgery and Seth gets into his scrubs and the nurse takes our bags away.  Seth has left the camera in my bag.  I tell him to just use his iPhone, but my doctor is like, “NO!” She personally takes Seth to find my camera, and finds it because Seth is a mess and cannot follow directions.  I wonder to myself if the anesthesiologist can give him something for HIS nerves.

8:15AM Our nurse tells us this is it!  She makes us take a picture.

We part ways in the hallway and I walk into a very bright, very cold OR.  Bob Marley is playing.  I consider telling them to change it but I’m superstitious so I don’t want to mess up anyone’s flow and leave it.

8:16AM My doctor holds my hands while the anesthesiologist does his thing.  There are so many fewer doctors in the room this time.  Two anesthesiologists, my doctor, her partner, two nurses - one for me, one for Manny and another medical person - what was she, who knows, I was just hoping this was going to go smoothly.

My legs start to feel numb.  I hate this feeling and remember it vividly from Moses labor. I think if I had to do it all over again, the epidural would wait.  That numb paralyzed feeling is awful to me.  They start doing the whole, “Can you feel this, how about this?” routine and I feel like I’m in the optometrist’s office except instead of a glasses prescription I’m about to be cut open, so I really don’t want to screw up.

The drape is put up and they bring Seth in finally, I mutter something about the reggae, but Seth likes the song that’s playing, Soul Rebel.  It seems like a really long time that they’re cutting me open, but they have to cut off my keloid scar and get through some scar tissue from my last surgery and finally my doctor tells Seth to get the camera ready.

8:46AM He’s out.  It takes what seems like forever for him to cry.  There’s that moment of drama, the moment when you’re wondering and hoping and thinking WHY ISN’T HE CRYING YET, and then bam, he cries.  He cries, I cry, it’s such a universal moment for moms, but there it is.  My doctor says, “He’s so cute! and he looks smart!”  They tell Seth to peak over the drape and he takes a picture.

They bring him over to the warming table and work on him a bit.  There’s a little concern about his grunting.  It’s decided that he’ll go with me to recovery and they’ll assess from there. C section babies’ lungs don’t get the mucous squeezed out in the birth canal so they worry about lack of big wailing cries.

While they’re cleaning him up, I’m getting stitched up.  It takes a little while because they treat the site with steroids and she does actual stitches instead of staples in an effort to prevent keloid scarring again.  While all of this is going on, Seth cuts the cord, and I am trying to catch glimpses of my baby.  He looks so tiny.

I finally get to meet Immanuel.  He’s gorgeous.

After what seems like forever, we get to head to recovery and after successful latching but not a lot of crying, just grunting, they send him to the nursery to be bathed to make sure there are no underlying breathing issues.  He’s returned to me and pronounced completely healthy.

I wish I could have given birth to Moses naturally, so that I could give birth to Manny naturally, but hey, this was so much more pleasant and calm than the last time around, I am fine.


Published by admin on 02 Apr 2014

Immanuel Miller

The full birth story is in the works, but in case you missed the announcement on my other social media accounts - He’s here!

He weighed 7 lbs, 8 oz, 21 inches long.  Born at 8:46am.  (He’s gained back all of his birth weight plus 2 ozs as of today, we know because we’ve been back and forth to the doctor for jaundice checks.  Waiting to hear if we need the lights for him, I’m hoping his numbers are finally going down.)

It took us a long time to come up with a name we both liked and we stuck with the Biblical theme, mostly because the names go so well together.  His middle name is to honor Seth’s mother who passed away in February of last year.  I love that both Moses and Immanuel have middle names that honor their grandmothers.  I’d really rather their grandmothers be here, but life is cruel that way, isn’t it?

I’m recovering so much better than I did last time, it’s amazing what skipping 30 hours of labor and 2 hours of pushing will do for you!

Moses is kind of ignoring the fact that we have a baby, which is fine, we’re just going at his pace and not rushing things.  He’ll come around, I’m sure.

Published by admin on 23 Mar 2014

The last days of the three of us

I wanted these last days before the new baby to be filled with special experiences, things that we (Seth and I, because, clearly a 20 month old is not going to remember squat) could look back on and marvel at.  Museums and trips to the park and family time at home.

Instead, Moses got sick.  The sickest he’s ever been.  He has had a high fever since Wednesday night, I thought he was clear this morning, but it came up again right before dinner.  This means he’s been sleeping in our bed, and trying to manage his temperature without over managing it.  You’re supposed to treat the symptoms not the number, but how do you know if at 2am he’s crying because he’s uncomfortable or because he’s hot or because you’re taking his temperature or, or…

Anyway, he was really feverish and out of sorts and just terrible yesterday and we had the cleaning lady scheduled to come right during his nap time because that was the only time we could get her before the baby came and before he was sick it seemed like it would be fine.  So, we checked into a hotel.  So he could nap.  I don’t even know what our life is, these days.  It’s stupid.

And then he didn’t nap!  And then I wanted to just leave and go home, but we had checked into a hotel! And then Seth fell asleep with Moses at 8:30 and snored and it was awful and I was forced to sort of sleep crossways along the bottom of the giant king sized bed because every time I tried to move Moses, he would wake up and start crying.  One day, I’ll look back and laugh.

Today at about 7am we gave him Motrin to ease his 104 degree temp and hopefully help his mood.  At noon, he was still in good spirits and fell asleep in 2 minutes, at 3 he was still good and I was hopeful that we’d seen the end of it.  At 5pm, he started to feel hot and got pretty grumpy.  At bedtime he was a mess.

He is sleeping in his crib right now, he had a really hard time going down to sleep, and I cried and he cried and I ate ice cream and he got Motrin and yeah, I’m mostly worried about him during this transition and I’m going to miss it just being us, maybe?  I don’t know.  I don’t know what I’m doing.

All I know is I will definitely remember this time, these last few days until New Baby joins us.

Oh, oops!  And now I’m crying again.

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